I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
