Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Sorry about my life...
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
