I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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