Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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