I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
