she looked like the before picture.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Randomize
