if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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