There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Randomize
