You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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