Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
