apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Why did my mother make you get naked?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
