get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
