if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
