I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
