Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
