Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
