Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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