My room smells like vodka and shame
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
