I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Randomize
