you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
