the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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