omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
