My pussy is not your playground.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
