I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
