i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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