he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
