And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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