Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Watching her eat just hurts me
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
