Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
