dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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