I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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