I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
