"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
