even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
