Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
