you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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