shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
