I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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