I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
