maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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