So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
