im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
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