WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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