im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
