you're like a bully in the Christmas story
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
