I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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