you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
