we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
