if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
