There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Randomize
