I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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