You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
