i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
