Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
