She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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