How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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