I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
